BUT NOT FOR LONG! *singsongy* Ah just got a scay-ale, ah just got a scay-ale

so i'll be able to keep track! party down! i'll update later on my weight at night before i go to bed. i also have a food diary. i'm so glad it's summer and i'm travelling a lot so my dad and sister won't be able to tell my eating habits. i can work out in the hotel room! escaping from my mum, finally! i will miss my friends, though, but i'll see them soon. going to hiltonhead in june! maybe i'll wear a 2 piece(not). update everyone else, i need thinspo....

i am going on a crash diet, starting today. i'm done moping and bingeing, only to punish myself later.

I am allowing a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day, which should allow me to lose a pound a week (discounting exercise). it will be an ultimate test of will, since my mum just made lasagna, XD. With the time i normally waste snacking, and getting up to get food or sugary drinks, i can do homework and projects and raise my grades up.

From weightloss.about.com, tips to cut 100 or more calories:

1. Switch to water first thing in the morning instead of fruit juice. Fruit juice is high in sugar. Since most of us are dehydrated in the morning, water's the best thing to do the trick anyway.

2. Switch to sugar-free yogurt instead of eating regular yogurt.

3. Switch to a low-fat store-bought bagel instead of a bakery bagel.

4. Save even more -- use all-fruit instead of flavored cream cheese on that low-fat bagel.

5. Replace bacon at breakfast with reduced-fat turkey bacon or Canadian bacon.

6. Steam veggies instead of sautéing them in butter or oil.

7. If you drink a lot of soda, switching to diet soda will probably save you hundreds of calories a day.

8. Switch to boiled shrimp instead of steak on shish kebabs.

9. Replace 1 tablespoon of regular mayo on your turkey sandwich with 1 ½ tablespoons of reduced fat mayo.

10. Indulge in Sunday-morning French toast... modified. Use non-fat milk and egg whites instead of whole milk and eggs.

Okay! I also have the url to a great site that has a bunch of diets, though most ana/mia girls probably know about it already,  : pro-thinspo.com (srry i had an actual url, but my computer's being stupid)

mwah, oxoxo

nina

(stay strong, i know i need to0

It was scary, I'll admit. And most things don't scare me; I don't get scared easily, you know that. I didn't really understand. I guess an ode to my naivete, haha. It was weird, this swelling in my chest between my heart and diaphragm. Funny how one of the reason's you loved me was because I could spell stuff like that. It felt like a star was going supernova inside of me. Like a ball of white-hot light was exploding in my chest, making it hard to breathe, shining its rays through my skin. I felt like I was glowing. I felt like I was untouchable, this blessed light keeping me warm and safe. I wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. I wanted to "sound my barbaric yawp". I loved how you got/understood obscure poetic references like that. When it ended, do you remember that night? The light shattered. The glass flew everywhere. I could feel it piercing the heart, lungs, filling them with something that drained out through my eyes, which were pierced too. I cried myself to sleep that night. I cried myself to wake the next morning. I remember my friend having a reconciliation with her ex the same night we broke up, and feeling too exhausted to feel the customary secret resentment. The shards are still there. When I breathe, they stick to my ribs, chipping them away with every inhalation. With each beat, the shards broke smaller and smaller, flowing through my bloodstream, embedding themselves in my skin. They're embedded in my fingertips, my toes, all of me. In my eyes, there are shards in my retinas, a new lens replacing the rose-coloured cataracts you had put there, filtering all I see so I see the shards with everything. Traces of you in everything. I have no tears left. 'Tis sort of numb. I just want you to know: The memories I have are bittersweet. I still think of some moments, like when you said "I love you" for the first time, and I smile. But the shards pulse. And I frown. It was scary, the unfamiliar feeling of loving someone who loved me. Who didn't have to. Most people are loved by someone, like their parents. We're more or less societally and morally commanded and bound to love our parents, but it isn't the same. I must say, when we were together, I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. Even when bad stuff happened, I just tolld myself, "hey. guess what? someone loves you!" and poof: the bad stuff wasn't so bad anymore. Now bad stuff happens and it's......sorta suckish, because I'll say, "hey, it isn't so bad, mom loves you!" And I say, "it's not the same," and I'll feel selfish and feel even worse and depressed and hopeless. The biggest shard says that I should be happy because you've found someone else, and I deeply and truly am. I want you to have a wonderful life with or without me. But, as the shards are now and forever part of me, I will love you until I die, with all the fibres of my being. They say that children see the truth, and are normally truthful, because "out the mouth of babes..", but they dismiss young relationships as "puppy love". I am only 14 years old. Do you think of what I listed above as "puppy love"? Or is "winged Cupid painted blind"?

* So, I am typing this in the perfect colour of blue, which just so happened to be the exact colour of your eyes, weird.*